Tracey slept on that bed for hours. She didn't know if she liked being so tightly held by her mother or if she absolutely despised it. In one sense, the affection and love warmed her cold heart and made her feel worth something. On the contrary Tracey remembered. I'm not a fucking baby. I'm 13. The sunlight shifted in its' hues and patterns as it sept through the shades which gently covered the window that she and Evie would always sneak out of. As she stared into her mother's grainy nails, Tracey started to feel helpless. She hated her mother. Why did her mother have to interfere? Why did Evie ruin her life? Why was everything so out of control?
It was in that moment, Tracey sat up and stared out for a few minutes. A huge void sliced through her body, the pain was searing, yet the world seemed blank. Suddenly a thought spurred in her mind. She needed to feel fast, cool, and beautiful. Drugs, Tracey thought. I need them now. Tracey quietly tip-toed out of her bedroom as her mother, totally oblivious, dreamt on. Mel thought it was over. The pain, the rage-filled fights, the verbal abuse, Mel thought, was over. But it was more like the calm before the storm.
Just as Tracey thought her mother wouldn't notice, Mel sat up almost violently fast.
"Trace, where the hell are you going? Please don't go now! I want to tell you how much I love -" Tears fell down Mel's face.
"Mom," Tracey began to cry as well, just seeing her mothers face so worn and scarred by all the long, screaming nights broke Tracey's heart piece by piece. "I need to go...Mom, I need to fucking go".
It was in that moment Tracey began to run out of the house, but Mel swiftly caught her daughter's knicked arms.
"Don't go baby, please don't go. We can work this out," Mel cried.
"Mom, I have to - I'm sorry. You don't want me, niether does Mason," Tracey was shrieking at this point.
"You're my baby, I want you here! I want things to get better! Can't you see that!?" Mel held onto Tracey's arm like it was the final moments of her life.
"I'm not...you're...baby. Mom, I'm sorry," Tracey pushed her mother to floor and ran. Tears streamed down Tracey's face.
Tracey ran out the door and kept running. Her legs looked like pretzel sticks, Tracey tried to gather up the strength to keep running. That house, that evil fucking house Tracey thought. All she knew was that the damage had been done to her family, and no matter what her mother did to improve the situation, all hope was lost.
As she ran, seething from the pain as her aching muscles and bones grudged together, Tracey noticed for the first time how weak she was. After 2 weeks without food, Tracey was starving. But to eat would mean to sacrifice her popularity at school.
It was in that moment, finally, she was at Loma Pierta Park. She saw the group of Black guys she always flocked to for the drugs. She walked over, trying to clean up her runny mascara and her savagely looking skin.
Jerome and his friends watched her. "Haha, there's that fucking whore, Tracey. Look at the bitch, she's a fuckin' crack ho comin' ova' here gain". Tracey could hear snickering and laughter, so she tried to walk a bit more sexy and confident - the way Evie taught her.
"Yo girl, you lookin' for Evie?" Jerome asked.
"Why would I need that cunt? She fuckin' turned me into my parents and gave in my fake ID at school. I'm totally fucked because of her."
"Nice Trace, I see you like spreadin' rumors, eh?" Evie's wicked voice sent shockwaves through Tracey's voice, as she sat up from Tyson's lap. How did Tracey not see Evie sitting there? No shit, her head was on his lap. Evie was giving Tyson head behind the guys. That's typical, fuck he was my man to begin with Tracey thought to herself.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Evie? Thanks for everything you bitch," Tracey yelled.
"Are you sure you want to go there, Trace? I mean, after all, I know everything about you. And I have the power to tell everyone!" Evie arrogantly shrugged her shoulder with that "Too Bad, So sad" look on her face.
"No man," Tracey said with anger, and then lowered her tone, trying to ignore Evie. "Guys, I need some shit. Real bad. I don't feel so good, can you hook me up? I've got like 20 bucks on me".
"Yeah girl, if we can fuck you," the boys laughed.
"She'd be willin'" Evie laughed.
"You fucking hypocrite, you've done every guy at school!" Tracey laughed with tears welling up in her eyes.
"Yeah at least I'm not a fucking masochist. You guys take off her sweater so you can see her arms. She's a psycho path, she even told me she loves cutting herself. Like she gets horny off it!" Evie had a big, wide smile, all-knowing that she was ruining Tracey's life and reputation even more.
"Fuck off, seriously please hook me up. I'm havin' withdrawl. Do you have any coke?" Tracey was shaking, trying so hard to ignore the monster.
"Look at her perdy skin," Jerome and his friends said, in a sarcastic matter. "Let's get her".
All of a sudden, in a moment of euphora, all 6 guys began to surround her in a circle. "Who wants to hit it first?" Bryce asked.
"What the fuck, get your hands off me!" Tracey cried as she tried to break away from the circle. Evie stood behind the circle, watching with a plesant dismay. "You guys, seriously, please stop fucking around," Tracey's voice began to quiver. First Tyson smacked her on the face, and then Bryce aimed for her pants, violently jerking them down to her ankles. "Get off me! Get off of me you sick fucks, let me go!" Tracey screamed so loud, but nobody was going to rescue her. After all, she made it clear she wasn't her mother's little girl anymore.
"Evie, help me!?" Tracey cried, as black tears danced down her cheek. "Sorry, Trace..." Evie looked slightly concerned, but figured it was best for her to leave. All the guys were on top of her. Tracey was being raped, and no help was in sight. Evie walked away, once in awhile turning her head back to see what was happening. "Evie!!! Evie!! I'm so sorry for everything, please fucking help!"
Lying naked on the grass, the same place where she tripped on acid for the first time, each guy taking his turn - all she could do was just cry and while her screams were silenced by a large manly hand which covered her mouth. She could barely breathe. After 30 minutes of violent abuse exerted on her, time began to fade, as it seemed eternal. All her eyes could see was the sky. The red fire of the sky's sunset was a parallel to what she felt inside. Rage. Anger. Sadness. Tracey didn't know where she was going, as she saw the clouds turn pink and yellow, but only knew she was going to it.